Mood Dictionary

Not being able to express what you are feeling because you can't think of the exact word can be infuriating. Every emotion is different from each other no matter how subtle the differences are. My therapist gave me what she calls the 'Mood Dictionary' that I would like to share with you. It helped me a lot during my sessions.

PLEASANT FEELINGS
OPEN	HAPPY	ALIVE	GOOD
understanding	great	playful	calm
confident	gay	courageous	peaceful
reliable	joyous	energetic	at ease
easy	lucky	liberated	comfortable
amazed	fortunate	optimistic	pleased
free	delighted	provocative	encouraged
sympathetic	overjoyed	impulsive	clever
interested	gleeful	free	surprised
satisfied	thankful	frisky	content
receptive	important	animated	quiet
accepting	festive	spirited	certain
kind	ecstatic	thrilled	relaxed
	satisfied	wonderful	serene
	glad		free and easy
	cheerful		bright
	sunny		blessed
	merry		reassured
	elated
	jubilant
LOVE	INTERESTED	POSITIVE	STRONG
loving	concerned	eager	impulsive
considerate	affected	keen	free
affectionate	fascinated	earnest	sure
sensitive	intrigued	intent	certain
tender	absorbed	anxious	rebellious
devoted	inquisitive	inspired	unique
attracted	nosy	determined	dynamic
passionate	snoopy	excited	tenacious
admiration	engrossed	enthusiastic	hardy
warm	curious	bold	secure
touched		brave
sympathy		daring
close		challenged
loved		optimistic
comforted		re-enforced
drawn toward		confident
		hopeful
DIFFICULT/UNPLEASANT FEELINGS
ANGRY	DEPRESSED	CONFUSED	HELPLESS
irritated	lousy	upset	incapable
enraged	disappointed	doubtful	alone
hostile	discouraged	uncertain	paralyzed
insulting	ashamed	indecisive	fatigued
sore	powerless	perplexed	useless
annoyed	diminished	embarrassed	inferior
upset	guilty	hesitant	vulnerable
hateful	dissatisfied	shy	empty
unpleasant	miserable	stupefied	forced
offensive	detestable	disillusioned	hesitant
bitter	repugnant	unbelieving	despair
aggressive	despicable	skeptical	frustrated
resentful	disgusting	distrustful	distressed
inflamed	abominable	misgiving	woeful
provoked	terrible	lost	pathetic
incensed	in despair	unsure	tragic
infuriated	sulky	uneasy	in a stew
cross	bad	pessimistic	dominated
worked up	a sense of loss	tense
boiling
fuming
indignant
INDIFFERENT	AFRAID	HURT	SAD
insensitive	fearful	crushed	tearful
dull	terrified	tormented	sorrowful
nonchalant	suspicious	deprived	pained
neutral	anxious	pained	grief
reserved	alarmed	tortured	anguish
weary	panic	dejected	desolate
bored	nervous	rejected	desperate
preoccupied	scared	injured	pessimistic
cold	worried	offended	unhappy
disinterested	frightened	afflicted	lonely
lifeless	timid	aching	grieved
	shaky	victimized	mournful
	restless	heartbroken	dismayed
	doubtful	agonized
	threatened	appalled
	cowardly	humiliated
	quaking	wronged
	menaced	alienated
	wary

Part 2

The Question 

Why do men rape? I would ask myself this whenever I read about or saw news channels covering  instances of rape. After a few minutes of pondering, I would forget about it until the next time I read or saw something. 

Things are different now. I need to know, because I have been a victim of the reason. For a few months after my rape, I kept telling myself that it was my fault- I was in the wrong place at the wrong time; maybe it was too dark; maybe I wasn't dressed appropriately; maybe I should have asked someone to accompany me. 

But wait. It was 6:45pm, I was clad in a kurta and the sky had just turned dark. What triggered the brute to assault me? I know that a woman should be able to wear what pleases her, go wherever whenever she wants to and walk freely without the aid of another person. Truthfully, the only reason we can't do any of the above (or exert caution while doing it) is because we are afraid of being sexually assaulted-and its a very very real threat. It is always there in the back of our minds. Dictating our very habits. We are driven by fear! How miserable is that? How wretched is a society that can't prevent such incidents from occurring? 

The one we live in is much more revolting. Not only is it unable to prevent rape, in most cases it can't even award a person who has been a victim of this mind numbing, heinous crime proper justice. Sometimes, society goes so far as to accuse and admonish the victims themselves. Deplorable. Unfair.  (I am not only referring to the “Indian Society” here, I am talking about society at large)

So what is the underlying cause?

The first thing that pops into my head is lust. The need to carnally violate a person against their will, in order to satisfy a dark, disgusting desire. But closer inspection has revealed that this is not the only reason. In fact, it isn’t even the predominant one. Rape is not just about sex. Most rapists are fuelled by anger and the need to gain control. Men who rape women do so because they hate women for a number of reasons which vary from rapist to rapist. It makes them feel powerful, domineering. This, I suppose stems from the very fabric of a male dominated society where a man rightfully feels that he is above a woman in the social ladder.

In my case, I remember the animal telling me “you deserve this”. I heard his voice just as I was gaining consciousness, and has been on my mind ever since.  My therapist told me why he must have said what he did, and it did not make any sense then, as my mind was too fragile to think and reason it out. But it isn’t anymore.  I completely understand that he was a cruel, deranged bastard who was trying to gain power by weakening me. I might not have done that which is most ideal-catching and punishing him, but I will not assist his cause. I will not fulfil his purpose. And neither should you.